All of Us Were Once Orphans

John 14:18 "I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you."

Christ tells his disciples that when he is gone he will not leave them as orphans, bur rather send his spirit to live in them. He knew what it would be like for them to be alone without him and he comforted them. The King James version says "I will not leave you comfortless;" and the New Living Translation says, "I will not abandon you as orphans; I will come to you."


The little boy my heart is already attached to, whom I have never met and who has no fathomable idea he will have a new family by his 2nd birthday, needs to not be abandoned. God in his great sovereign mercy will allow this child to come into a family. Yes, we believe he is in a foster family today. We are not sure that he still is and likely it would only last part of his life. He would then be on his own. His medical needs may never be met if he stays in China. Likely, he would have a difficult life ahead of him. Our family will be his "forever Family". He will become our son. We desire to help him heal from his traumatic loss.


God was the "Father" to the Israelites. He was Creator to all things, but he was their Father. But our Creator did not leave it there. Romans 4:16 says, "Therefore, the promise comes by faith, so that it may be by grace and may be guaranteed to all Abraham's offspring- not only to those who are of the law but also to those who are of the faith of Abraham. He is the father of us all."


The Hebrew people believed they were only the rightful children to the Father of God, through Abraham's offspring. Here in Romans we are told that Abraham is the father to all of us who have faith.

Romans 8:14 says, "because those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God."

It is not that we are born into God's family, but that by faith we are called by Him into His family and He becomes our Daddy. He chooses us to become adopted.

I am still trying to understand God's predestination, according to his purpose, but I do believe the Word in Romans 8:30, "And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified."


Asher is still so young and it will be some time until we know what his faith will be. I do believe and have faith that God has called Jay and me to adopt this little boy. He will become our son, we have chosen to adopt him. I don't claim to know what his future holds with us as his family. Instead, I walk in faith as one of God's children, knowing that the Lord directs our paths, including Asher's. I wish he could be sitting at his "rightful" home today, being loved by his mother. I wish that it wasn't because of his loss, that I will gain a son. Oh, how I grieve over that.


I grieve that our God gave up his son, to die, because of our sin. Romans 8:32, "He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all-how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?"


Lord, please help me to be a sacrificial mother to my children- each of my, soon to be eight, children you have given.

Prayers Were Answered!

On Friday June 17th, we were assigned an officer and approved for our I800A! We received it in the mail 2 days ago, and yesterday we drove it to our State Department for authentication. Then I walked right down to Fed Ex from the State Department and Fed-Exed the document overnight to a courier in Washington DC. She will have it authenticated by the Federal State Department and the Chinese Embassy on Monday and straight to our Agency.


Whew! One little week or so later we should be Dossier To China!! I am doing the happy dance. This is a huge step- our country, of good ole' America, giving us permission to adopt from China. Now we need China's permission.


A couple of more updates:

We have decided to change Asher's middle name to Thomas (after my great-grandfather) then Quan.
So it will be "Asher Thomas Quan". I so look forward to showing you all his picture soon! As soon as China gives us approval we have permission to do so.


And more exciting news is that we were approved for a $2500 matching grant from Lifesong. We have until August 8th to raise the funds for the matching grant.

 Thanks again for your prayers.

Slow down on I800-A

Well, it seems since we sent our application to immigration, way back in the middle of April, that they have slowed down the approval process by at least 2 weeks. It was running about 50 days, today we are day on 55. The last I checked on Friday June 10th, we did not have an officer assigned to us yet.

Some days it so very hard when you sit in the "slow lane" to check out at the grocery store. Then there are days when you believe God is working and wants you in that slow lane, so just sit back and enjoy the "ride".

Fortunately, this adoption has been teaching me a LOT about patience, joy and faith. Some fruit of the spirit qualities, just what I need.

My daughter also reminded me today that "whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours." Mark 11:24

The asking is not the hard part for me, it is the believing. Lord, I need Your belief, Your faith. I need You to teach me how to believe. I believe you want us to be blessed by this little boy.


For us to travel sooner than later, preferably before the end of the year, we need this approval this week.
Please join us in prayer for approval this week!

Bonding and Attachment

Our adoption training also focused a lot on bonding and attachment.


(From our training text):
Attachment refers to a special emotional and social connection between children and their caregivers that emerges during the first year of life.
If there is a loss of this relationship, or even a threat of loss of a caretaker, it creates stress for the child.
The first attachment for a child is typically to his mother, and the attachment process begins prenatally.


Understanding and empathizing that Asher will be grieving at different times of his life over his traumatic loss, we can have the openness to be able to work on attaching with him. This process will not come naturally for him. We will be strangers to him and so will our world.


The good news is that attachment can be successful with adequate, loving, secure and patient parents who advocate proper bonding.


(From our training text):
Bonding is the emotional glue in attachment. It is the process of forming an attachment. It is the process that binds two people together. 


It will be important for us, as Asher's parents, to encourage him to feel and believe we are trustworthy and dependable, and that we will meet his physical and emotional needs. One of the key ways to do this, especially for children who have lived in orphanages, or had low quality nourishment (not ever having a full tummy) is always providing him with healthy snacks and food throughout his day. Anytime he asks for food or water, we need to give it. Another way is the encourage him to take the bottle again or stay on it longer so we can have close contact while feeding him, like we would have if he came to us as a newborn.


The close physical contact is another key for attachment. At first, he may be resistant to it, but we are to persevere in this. It is also essential that other people whom aren't in our immediate family, not be allowed to hold him for first stages of attachment. Mostly, he needs to feel attached to his Mommy and Daddy first, then siblings, then it will reach out to others. This may be hard for others to accept or understand, but it is what is best for him. Unfortunately, I have heard of some adopted children, even brand new infants that were passed from person to person and they had a difficult time bonding with their parents, and they "detached". Especially children that have lived in orphanages and are used to many caregivers, they learn to  "survive" emotionally, by not attaching to those people, otherwise it would hurt too much. So instead they detach from caretakers. We want to change that response.


Some of the things we plan to implement for healthy bonding and attachment for our Asher is:


-keep him or put him back on the bottle
-have him sleep in our room, even in our bed if he needs that (many foster families do this in China and he will be used to that)
-give healthy food anytime he asks for it
-only Jay or me feeding him and take care of his emotional and physical needs
-ask nurses/doctors to hold him when they do a painful procedure (ie shots) then we will comfort him when they are done
-besides Jay and I, only allow siblings one-on-one with him at first, as long as he is comfortable
-hold him, rock him, even wear him in a sling, as he will tolerate
-use a therapy brush on his skin
-spend lots of time with him, not leave him with any other caretaker as feasible besides Jay or me
-regular eye contact 
-soothing talk and communication, even when he has melt downs


We need to think of this as he will be a newborn infant when it comes to attachment to us. We will in a way treat him like an infant handed to us, as new parents. Yes, he will walk and do older baby things, but his emotional state needs to be treated as such in the beginning. I need to think, if he is screaming and upset, how would I have handled it when I had a newborn and they were doing that? First of all, I did not take it personally. Secondly, I was patient and understanding they were trying to get their needs met. That will be no different for Asher either.


Jay and I are reading a book called the Connected Child by Dr. Karen Purvis. It is focused on families with adopted children and how to connect with them, but still a valuable resource for anyone involved in the lives of children. We are going to start video training with a local church next Monday for the Connect Child as well. I am really looking forward to learning how to be that kind of parent for my kids.