Making Some Things for Asher

While we are on summer break I am trying to do some projects.
Two of them were a tag blanket for Asher (we call it a "Snuggle") and a weighted blanket for him too.
Weighted blankets are known for helping a child with sensory issues feel calm and sleep better. It will almost be a guarantee that Asher will have sensory issues.They sell for up to $200 or more! I knew we couldn't afford that and so I found a few easy on-line tutorials and made one myself. 


Here is a tutorial that I started with.


Pattern


I did add a little bit more to the pattern. I sewed a double edge around the sides, in order to insure that beads won't be all over my carpet. I also folded the top as neatly as I could and sewed that down.


Here is some pictures of Snuggle and the blanket:

                          Lenea is modeling Asher's little blanket with tags, otherwise known as "Snuggle".

                                             Here I am sewing up the Weighted Blanket.

 The finished blanket- it has 4 1/2 lbs of polly pellets in it and feels cozy. It took about 2 hours total to make.

 Lenea is trying it out for you. I was going to let her nap with it, to see if she wanted one, but she is too particular about her own traditions and she refused to take it with her to nap. Oh well, I am glad I made Asher's first.

                                         Funny, she likes to snuggle and play with it though! 

10 Ways to Be Involved in Adoption

10 Ways You and Your Church Can Be Involved in Adoption and Orphan Care in 2011

from David Wooten Jan 10, 2011 Category: Articles

“Pure and undefiled religion before our God and Father is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself unstained by the world.” James 1:27

There are more than 163 million orphans in the world today. Even in the United States there are almost half a million orphans in the foster care system. Most of these have been abused, neglected or abandoned. These are the ones the Bible speaks of when it mentions the “fatherless.” The Scriptures are clear that the task of caring for these little ones belongs to His people. Christians can not only show the compassion of Christ in caring for orphans, but also display a picture of the gospel.
The question for any believer is not whether to be involved in the ministry of orphan care, but how. Below are ten suggestions to get you thinking about how you might participate in a ministry that can change the lives of children and families.

1. PRAY

Pray for orphans and children in foster care who will go to bed tonight wondering if there is any place they belong. Ask God to meet their needs and provide a forever family for them. Pray for prospective adoptive families who are waiting for children and children who are waiting for families. Seek how the Lord would have you be involved in the work of orphan care. Pray that your church would effectively engage in the global orphan crisis. Thank God for the work of His Spirit in calling out His children to visit orphans in their distress.

2. LEARN

There is much to learn about the needs, resources, and issues concerning adoption and orphan care. Study God’s Word to see what the Bible says about the fatherless. Learn about children in your local foster care system and what needs they have. Discover the plight of orphans in distant lands. Recognize your responsibility to care in practical ways for vulnerable orphaned children locally and globally.

3.  WELCOME

God has opened His heart to the fatherless and wants us to open our hearts as well. Create a climate in your home among your family and cultivate a culture in your church that receives the little and the least. Give them a sense that they are welcomed, loved  and that they belong.

4. ENCOURAGE

The life of a foster or adoptive family can have its challenges. Show appreciation for what they are doing in providing a loving family to these children. Your encouraging words may be just the thing they need to persevere through a difficult time. You can support these families by providing respite care to give them a night out, some time away, help running errands, or bring over meals. Be creative and have fun finding ways to be a wrap-around family supporting them in caring for orphans.

5. GIVE

The cost of private or international adoption and the price of ministering to the fatherless can be high. Your financial support can go a long way to help orphans as you give to ministries and organizations who serve the needs of these children. Many of these ministries depend on the faithful, sacrificial gifts of folks like you. Helping cover the high cost of adoption can help make adoption affordable and accessible for a family that otherwise might not be able to adopt.

6. GO

God commands us to “visit orphans in their affliction.” This word “visit” means “to show care and provision for.” You can do this by participating in a mission trip through your church to an orphanage showing compassion to these children and helping them to understand the special place they have in God’s heart. Become a regular visitor to a local orphanage or group home where children in foster care live.

7. VOLUNTEER

Give your time to an organization or family who cares for orphans or is involved in adoption. You might mentor or tutor a young person in foster care. You might volunteer at an adoption agency by helping with a special event, assisting in their fundraising efforts or using your talents in a way that benefits their ministry. You might help one of the 20,000 teens aging out of the foster care system this year by including them into your family’s activities. Become a Guardian ad Litem for a child giving a voice to the neglected and abused.

8. ADOPT OR FOSTER

While not everyone is called to foster or adopt, some are. Perhaps God is calling you to open your home to a child who needs a family. You may adopt from foster care or an orphan from overseas. Through adoption your family will display the gospel in a unique and dynamic way. Adopting a child from America’s foster care system carries little or no cost at all. Many would step up to adopt if they only knew that.

9. MOBILIZE

Launch a ministry in your church that will impact the global orphan crisis. With the permission and direction of your church’s leaders, you can be a catalyst that can meet the needs of children and families in your church, community and around the world. Your ministry might address foster care, adoption or orphans. Doubtless there are others in your congregation who will want to join you in reaching out through this ministry.

10. ADVOCATE

There are many ways in which the current foster care system needs to be revised to be more family friendly. You can be an advocate to speak out for the best interests of children who have been neglected, abused or abandoned. By learning what the current issues are, you will be better able to speak out on their behalf. Let your voice be heard when you can influence legislation or policy change that will benefit children and families and help improve the foster care system.
The Bible says that “true and undefiled religion in the eyes of God the Father is to care for orphans and widows in their distress” There is no clearer picture of the gospel that that of adoption. God took us when we were slaves to sin and brought us into His forever family to become His children. When you become involved in the ministry of adoption and orphan care, you are displaying the glorious gospel for the world to see. Regardless of how you are involved, by engaging in caring for orphans in their distress, you are practicing true and undefiled religion. Yours can be an investment that can impact many lives and will last a lifetime and beyond.

---

David Wooten is Director of Operations and Development at Embraced by Grace Inc. Adoption Agency

We are DTC!!!! Yippee.

Found out today that our documents were sent to China on June 30th. I hadn't heard over the weekend and I was so praying and hoping it was already sent. I was relieved to get an email this morning that it was truly sent last week.

Now we wait for a Log In Date (LID) which can be anywhere from 1-3 weeks on average. Each step can feel long but just another closer day to meeting our new son.

As soon as we get our approval (still a couple of months, likely) I can post photos of him for you all to see. He has the sweetest, chubbiest face ever. You are going to melt when you see it.

All of Us Were Once Orphans

John 14:18 "I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you."

Christ tells his disciples that when he is gone he will not leave them as orphans, bur rather send his spirit to live in them. He knew what it would be like for them to be alone without him and he comforted them. The King James version says "I will not leave you comfortless;" and the New Living Translation says, "I will not abandon you as orphans; I will come to you."


The little boy my heart is already attached to, whom I have never met and who has no fathomable idea he will have a new family by his 2nd birthday, needs to not be abandoned. God in his great sovereign mercy will allow this child to come into a family. Yes, we believe he is in a foster family today. We are not sure that he still is and likely it would only last part of his life. He would then be on his own. His medical needs may never be met if he stays in China. Likely, he would have a difficult life ahead of him. Our family will be his "forever Family". He will become our son. We desire to help him heal from his traumatic loss.


God was the "Father" to the Israelites. He was Creator to all things, but he was their Father. But our Creator did not leave it there. Romans 4:16 says, "Therefore, the promise comes by faith, so that it may be by grace and may be guaranteed to all Abraham's offspring- not only to those who are of the law but also to those who are of the faith of Abraham. He is the father of us all."


The Hebrew people believed they were only the rightful children to the Father of God, through Abraham's offspring. Here in Romans we are told that Abraham is the father to all of us who have faith.

Romans 8:14 says, "because those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God."

It is not that we are born into God's family, but that by faith we are called by Him into His family and He becomes our Daddy. He chooses us to become adopted.

I am still trying to understand God's predestination, according to his purpose, but I do believe the Word in Romans 8:30, "And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified."


Asher is still so young and it will be some time until we know what his faith will be. I do believe and have faith that God has called Jay and me to adopt this little boy. He will become our son, we have chosen to adopt him. I don't claim to know what his future holds with us as his family. Instead, I walk in faith as one of God's children, knowing that the Lord directs our paths, including Asher's. I wish he could be sitting at his "rightful" home today, being loved by his mother. I wish that it wasn't because of his loss, that I will gain a son. Oh, how I grieve over that.


I grieve that our God gave up his son, to die, because of our sin. Romans 8:32, "He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all-how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?"


Lord, please help me to be a sacrificial mother to my children- each of my, soon to be eight, children you have given.

Prayers Were Answered!

On Friday June 17th, we were assigned an officer and approved for our I800A! We received it in the mail 2 days ago, and yesterday we drove it to our State Department for authentication. Then I walked right down to Fed Ex from the State Department and Fed-Exed the document overnight to a courier in Washington DC. She will have it authenticated by the Federal State Department and the Chinese Embassy on Monday and straight to our Agency.


Whew! One little week or so later we should be Dossier To China!! I am doing the happy dance. This is a huge step- our country, of good ole' America, giving us permission to adopt from China. Now we need China's permission.


A couple of more updates:

We have decided to change Asher's middle name to Thomas (after my great-grandfather) then Quan.
So it will be "Asher Thomas Quan". I so look forward to showing you all his picture soon! As soon as China gives us approval we have permission to do so.


And more exciting news is that we were approved for a $2500 matching grant from Lifesong. We have until August 8th to raise the funds for the matching grant.

 Thanks again for your prayers.

Slow down on I800-A

Well, it seems since we sent our application to immigration, way back in the middle of April, that they have slowed down the approval process by at least 2 weeks. It was running about 50 days, today we are day on 55. The last I checked on Friday June 10th, we did not have an officer assigned to us yet.

Some days it so very hard when you sit in the "slow lane" to check out at the grocery store. Then there are days when you believe God is working and wants you in that slow lane, so just sit back and enjoy the "ride".

Fortunately, this adoption has been teaching me a LOT about patience, joy and faith. Some fruit of the spirit qualities, just what I need.

My daughter also reminded me today that "whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours." Mark 11:24

The asking is not the hard part for me, it is the believing. Lord, I need Your belief, Your faith. I need You to teach me how to believe. I believe you want us to be blessed by this little boy.


For us to travel sooner than later, preferably before the end of the year, we need this approval this week.
Please join us in prayer for approval this week!

Bonding and Attachment

Our adoption training also focused a lot on bonding and attachment.


(From our training text):
Attachment refers to a special emotional and social connection between children and their caregivers that emerges during the first year of life.
If there is a loss of this relationship, or even a threat of loss of a caretaker, it creates stress for the child.
The first attachment for a child is typically to his mother, and the attachment process begins prenatally.


Understanding and empathizing that Asher will be grieving at different times of his life over his traumatic loss, we can have the openness to be able to work on attaching with him. This process will not come naturally for him. We will be strangers to him and so will our world.


The good news is that attachment can be successful with adequate, loving, secure and patient parents who advocate proper bonding.


(From our training text):
Bonding is the emotional glue in attachment. It is the process of forming an attachment. It is the process that binds two people together. 


It will be important for us, as Asher's parents, to encourage him to feel and believe we are trustworthy and dependable, and that we will meet his physical and emotional needs. One of the key ways to do this, especially for children who have lived in orphanages, or had low quality nourishment (not ever having a full tummy) is always providing him with healthy snacks and food throughout his day. Anytime he asks for food or water, we need to give it. Another way is the encourage him to take the bottle again or stay on it longer so we can have close contact while feeding him, like we would have if he came to us as a newborn.


The close physical contact is another key for attachment. At first, he may be resistant to it, but we are to persevere in this. It is also essential that other people whom aren't in our immediate family, not be allowed to hold him for first stages of attachment. Mostly, he needs to feel attached to his Mommy and Daddy first, then siblings, then it will reach out to others. This may be hard for others to accept or understand, but it is what is best for him. Unfortunately, I have heard of some adopted children, even brand new infants that were passed from person to person and they had a difficult time bonding with their parents, and they "detached". Especially children that have lived in orphanages and are used to many caregivers, they learn to  "survive" emotionally, by not attaching to those people, otherwise it would hurt too much. So instead they detach from caretakers. We want to change that response.


Some of the things we plan to implement for healthy bonding and attachment for our Asher is:


-keep him or put him back on the bottle
-have him sleep in our room, even in our bed if he needs that (many foster families do this in China and he will be used to that)
-give healthy food anytime he asks for it
-only Jay or me feeding him and take care of his emotional and physical needs
-ask nurses/doctors to hold him when they do a painful procedure (ie shots) then we will comfort him when they are done
-besides Jay and I, only allow siblings one-on-one with him at first, as long as he is comfortable
-hold him, rock him, even wear him in a sling, as he will tolerate
-use a therapy brush on his skin
-spend lots of time with him, not leave him with any other caretaker as feasible besides Jay or me
-regular eye contact 
-soothing talk and communication, even when he has melt downs


We need to think of this as he will be a newborn infant when it comes to attachment to us. We will in a way treat him like an infant handed to us, as new parents. Yes, he will walk and do older baby things, but his emotional state needs to be treated as such in the beginning. I need to think, if he is screaming and upset, how would I have handled it when I had a newborn and they were doing that? First of all, I did not take it personally. Secondly, I was patient and understanding they were trying to get their needs met. That will be no different for Asher either.


Jay and I are reading a book called the Connected Child by Dr. Karen Purvis. It is focused on families with adopted children and how to connect with them, but still a valuable resource for anyone involved in the lives of children. We are going to start video training with a local church next Monday for the Connect Child as well. I am really looking forward to learning how to be that kind of parent for my kids.